Never trust a Dwarf

Surely it is odd that, in the realms of fantasy, Dwarves are stereotyped as amoungst the best warriors in the realm. Beer swilling, food-bits stuck in their over-sized beards and arms bearly long enough to swing a battleaxe, they seem to live by the saying 'the bigger you are, the more there is to hit!' No-one bears a grudge like a dwarf, have you noticed? It seems that just because they live for hundreds of years they think they can complain bitterly for years about the time a stupid elf knocked over their pewter beer mug back before D&D was ever invented!

Yes, things are decidedly off beat this morning. I have a bit over two extra hours on my hands this morning due to my inability to tell the difference between a saturday and a sunday train time-table. So, expecting to catch an 8am train, I allowed myself an extra hour of sleep (well, it is the weekend) and then discovered that the Saturday morning trains are at 7 and 11am. Darn dwarves, I'll bet they never had to worry about train timetables. Maybe they ate rubber chickens too? Have you ever noticed that there are not too many rubber chickens running around these days? Perhaps they're all stuck in rubber factories. Endangered species, I think. I wonder if I could get some WWF funding to start a society for the protection of rubber chickens??? Not the ideal get rich quick scheme, but at least it will be a novel one.

A quick survey on Ebay reveals that a grand total of thirty seven, yep 37 simmilar items are available for purchase in the US, ranging from clown props to Mardi-Gras beads and (oddly enough) a gun that fires rubber chickens. Oooh I want one of those!

Perhaps this is enough to suggest that a fund for the protection of rubber stress chickens would be successful if launched in the States. We could then launch a sub-branch in Asia and eventually conquer the Australian market. Or... all we need is some goofy-but-lovable character to take one into a reality game show somewhere and sales are bound to go through the roof. Being one to avoid these programs on principle (well there is no possibility of good writing as... there's no F*ing script!) but there was a MAD magazine article done on Aussie series one, which explained to my satisfaction the sudden increase in schoolgirls wearing bunny ears, an icon I thought had peacefully been laid to rest with the extinction of the 70s. But the 70's are not extinct! They will be back in 66 years (hmmm, route 66, ride it to the 70's - could be my next catch phrase) Damn phrases, they're proving ellusively difficult to catch these days.

Okay, the time comes for my departure. I shall leave you with an interesting thought:

What if there were no hypothetical situations???

Enjoy yourselves out there and beware the wrath of the Rubber Chicken.